first aid for vampiresRating:PG
Posted: November 20, 2000
Notes:
1) This short piece fell off a section of "One Another's Best". Rather than forget it, I thought I would stick it in as a BC.
Cordelia dabbed at the open wound on Angel’s upper arm. A Gyes demon had proved a little more intractable than anticipated. A hundred hands or not, Gyes weren’t recognised for any depth of intelligence or strength. Throw a handful of salt into the luminous green eyes and they generally wailed and ran away.“You shouldn’t have presumed, Angel. Just because a 200 year old book tells you one thing - doesn’t mean you believe it. Out of date, much?” The non-stick gauze dressing was gently placed over the cut.
“Demons don’t evolve so quickly, Cordelia. If they were scaredy-cats 200 years ago, they should still be scaredy-cats. Ow.”
“This is really quite a deep cut, you know.”
“Yeah, it’s in my arm.”
“No. Listen to me...” A second piece of tape was pressed into place. Angel bravely bit his lower lip. “What if you had lost of chunk of...of you?”
“Huh?”
“Well, you know - if some evil guy had slashed into the flesh on your side and then he took another swipe and a whole piece of...of stuff came away...well...”
“It’s never happened,” he said blankly.
“But...”
“It’s never happened,” he said firmly, “....I don’t know.”
“Then what about your arm....if this Gyes had sliced a bit harder and your whole arm was hacked off...”
“Cordelia.”
“I need to know. I’m your Florence. How would I treat you...after I stopped throwing up. Do I pick up your arm and hang on to it until we get home? And then? Should I tape it back onto the stump and expect it to all stick together?”
“I suppose. It would be worth a try.”
“Would I have to match up the bits? Nerves and blood vessels and muscley stuff? Or shove it on and hope for the best?”
“It would be, um.... nice if you put it back on the right way around.”
“A backward bending elbow could be useful,” she said defensively. Cordelia set to work on a laceration on Angel’s back. “Maybe you just grow a new bit?”
“Uh...no, I don’t think it would work like that.”
“We could experiment.”
“What?”
“You’d never miss a toe. Think of it as research into the advancement of vampirical emergency care,” came the voice of concern over his shoulder.
“No.”
Angel warily eyed the plaster cutters, nasal speculum and alligator forceps that lay on the table next to the out-sized first-aid box. Cordelia’s enthusiasm for medical equipment and procedures was becoming unnerving. He had been taken aback to discover bookmarks on the computer ranging from the Red Cross Society to the American Medical Association. Only recently he had seen her muttering over an on-line catalogue which he later found featured cranial clamps and urethral access sheaths among other nightmarish tools. He blanched inwardly as Cordelia continued to explore avenues for research and development.
“I could write a manual on ‘How to Care for Your Vampire... one hundred and one hints to keep your friendly un-dead vermin-free and happy.... ish.’.”
“No.”
“A step-by-step guide for novices. Make it a lot easier for whoever comes after me.”
“No.....wait.” Angel tried to twist his neck to see Cordelia. “Whoever comes after you? You’re staying with me...aren’t you?”
“Yes, of course. But if you are still looking for redemption when I am old and grey, well....I’ll have to train my successor.”
“Oh,” he sighed.
“The tip of your little finger? Sharp knife? Machette? You’d never notice it was gone - I’d have it taped back on before you could go ‘grrr’,” she suggested enthusiastically.
“No.”
The back neatly patched, Cordelia turned her attention to several long scratches on Angel’s face.
“Hm. You know, I’ve never seen a peg-legged vampire before. I guess they do get the loose part stuck back on in time.” Cordelia trickled some antiseptic thoughtfully over Angel’s raw flinching flesh. “Are you sure sprouting a new leg is out of the question?”
“Remind me to avoid you next time you have a battle axe in your hand.”
“I wouldn’t! Not on purpose. But... if I were to ask you one day to hold a carrot steady while I chopped...well...there are no guarantees in this world.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
“My pleasure.”
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Disclaimer: The characters are Joss Whedon's, Mutant Enemy's and probably a heap of other people about
whom I know nothing.
I lay no claim to ownership of the characters, I simply like to ask them out to play now and then.